Last Christmas post of the year, I promise! Just one for the road: Santa’s sex toys.
No, this article isn’t dedicated to the sex toys you are going to give for Christmas, nor the ones you’ll be receiving. I’m going to talk to you here about erotic accessories bearing the image of Santa Claus.
Indeed, this old bearded gentleman is a fantasy for many people who don’t really want to admit it to themselves… To the point of inspiring numerous erotic books, for that matter.
Other characteristic symbols of Christmas have also inspired the sex toy industry. I would have also liked to say a few words about those butt plugs commemorating the birth of Jesus in their own way, but that would be rambling…
Santa’s sex toys: snowman and candy cane
The whipping snowman
The Frosty Crop is not, as the title might suggest, a smelly snowman. It is a riding crop, where the end that smacks your buttocks is a little snowman. Ideal for those hesitating between BDSM and winter sports.
The candy cane dildo
If the phrase “Do you want to taste my candy cane?” doesn’t evoke anything sexual for you (which would be highly unlikely), that is about to change.
On the dildo side, the Icicles N°59 by Pipedream, also known as the Candy Cane Dildo, would be almost edible if it weren’t made of glass.
And on the vibrator side, the Santas Lil’ Helper (the elf, basically), by Pipedream, also looks like confectionery sold at a Christmas market.
Santa’s Gear
The full outfit
Still at Pipedream, in the Fetish Fantasy range which features a bit of everything and anything, the “Xmas Plush Cuff” set includes two pairs of red and white fluffy handcuffs (one for the hands and one for the feet), a matching blindfold, and… a Santa hat.
Ideal for roleplaying erotic scenarios of kidnapping Santa… Er… Doesn’t that funny idea remind you a bit of The Nightmare Before Christmas?
Santa’s stocking and his sex toys
Everything is sexy about Santa Claus. Yes, even his socks.
The “Penis Christmas Stocking”, in Santa’s colours, will keep your phallus warm in winter.
As for the “Santa’s Coming!” sack, it is a red stocking stuffed with sex toys. Another Pipedream product, one might think this brand has a fixation on Christmas… That said, its content doesn’t seem very attractive: the Santa pen is probably the most interesting item of the lot.
The vibrating egg wearing Santa’s hat
I was telling you some time ago about nasophilia… But it’s not just beautiful red noses that are seductive, there are also red hats (rubbish Christmas joke, sorry). That’s why the brand Spoody Toys has hatched a vibrating egg wearing a Santa hat for us.
Santa Claus as a sex toy
The Santa Briefs
Mrs. Claus’s outfit is all well and good, but it’s had its day. It’s the guys’ turn to adorn themselves in red and white, hiding their penis behind this Santa thong with a shaggy beard.
(Okay, I know, briefs aren’t a sex toy, I’m cheating…)
The Santa sex toy in flesh and bone plastic
Visually very close to a box of Pez sweets, the Old St Prick vibrator represents Santa Claus – a bit stiff, certainly, and not very chubby, but let’s not nitpick.
Merry Christmas!
