Should we avoid the word “sextoy” when talking about pleasure objects? That’s what the brand Maude, and its new investor and co-creative director, Dakota Johnson, advocates. Yes, the same Dakota Johnson who plays the role of Anastasia Steele in Fifty Shades of Grey.
According to Eva Goicochea, the founder of Maude, calling vibrators “sex toys” trivialises their basic benefits: providing stimulation that improves sexual well-being and helps you feel good. By reducing them to juvenile gadgets, people’s needs and satisfaction remain unmet and neglected”.
The brand therefore prefers the terms “essential” or “modern intimacy”.
Really, avoiding the word “sextoy”?
American blogger Epiphora takes issue on Twitter with this desire to control vocabulary. A few years ago, she had published an interesting article about the tendency some sex toy makers have to pile on euphemisms when referring to their products.
For my part, much as I collect sex toys and love them, among the products I would call “essential” are pasta, rice, soap, and other things along those lines, condoms if we’re talking about sex… But certainly not sex toys!
In an ideal world, maybe they would be, but far too many people struggle to get hold of products that are considerably more essential for us to be able to include sex toys in the list of first necessities. Notably period products, which will be distributed free of charge in all university campuses from the September 2021 intake following a government decision.
Let’s not forget, however, that the Maude brand comes from a good intention, thinking of women who can’t achieve an orgasm without using a vibrator. And that it sells sex toys… er, sorry, vibrators, that look rather classy, with nice packaging and a case, for $45, which is less than €40. No idea what their products are worth in terms of effectiveness, but in any case, they’re not expensive.
But refusing the term “erotic toys” seems a bit sad to me. Since when do adults no longer have the right to play? Yes, being able to take sexual pleasure is important. But, on the grounds that we’re adults, do we have to take ourselves seriously when masturbating? And why not also grumble a bit during a handjob, preferably while reading the newspaper to make sure you’re definitely not having fun, ick, too juvenile an attitude!
And yet, many adults like dildos that change colour, that glow in the dark, or that remind them of their favourite TV shows or favourite video games. Does that make us a bunch of simpletons? If so, so be it, we’ll be simpletons who love having fun with funny toys.
As long as effectiveness isn’t neglected in the process, being fun has never hurt anything. Except if you’re talking about a bailiff’s office or a funeral home. But there, I’m wandering off…
Of course, this renaming also points to a desire to avoid the word “sex”. On Instagram, the Maude brand doesn’t hide it, mentioning that Facebook censors ads containing the word “sextoy”? But is the best solution to this really to give up saying “sextoy”?
Love store vs sex shop
This story reminds me of the distinction between a “sex shop” and a “love store”, which many love stores hold onto dearly. Initially, this distinction did a lot to help sex toys become popular, and to attract more women.
The idea was to move away from the old cliché of the slightly seedy sex shop at the end of a back street, a place of fantasy for some, but with a slightly embarrassing and frightening side, enough to dissuade a lot of girls from venturing in alone. It has to be said that being ogled by the man in the raincoat in the corner rarely forms part of the package you want to get when you’re planning to buy a sex toy.
But at present, few old-style sex shops remain. The few survivors with a shop front, relics of the 90s, attract an audience of nostalgics or adventurers who want to soak up the atmosphere of old-style porn cinemas by visiting their video booths. For example, hotwife blogger Amante Lilli and her cuckold husband celebrate New Year’s Eve every year with a bukkake or a gang bang in an X-Centre, which allows the most loyal male fans to join them there without any financial selection criterion at the door.
And on the internet, only a few gay-oriented BDSM brands, such as Oxballs or Meo.de, continue to show naked bodies to illustrate their products. The vast majority of online shops selling sex toys have adopted a reassuring and non-suggestive look.
These days, sex toys don’t frighten anyone much. Some disapprove, but everyone knows what they are. And they’re sold pretty much everywhere, including in mainstream retailers like Amazon or Vente-Privée.
Small digression: I’ve just discovered with surprise that Les Trois Suisses had pushed the joke quite far, relaunching for a laugh the unacknowledged vibrator of the 50s with cheek massagers that look rather suspicious! That said, if you’re looking for an effective accessory to rub your cheek, our reviews of sex… er… cheek massagers might help you choose something considerably nicer than that slightly dated plastic battery-powered vibrator. Your face with its sensitive cheeks will thank you!
And yet, you don’t buy love in a love store, but proper sex toys, just like in a classic sex shop. The realistic vagina and the Pipedream inflatable doll available in human or sheep version may have been removed from the catalogue (or not), but that’s a detail.
On second thought, “love store” is a bit creepy as a term: if I treat myself to a nice vibrator and it lets out a declaration of love mid-use, I guarantee you it goes straight in the bin!
Rather than avoiding the word “sex” at all costs, wouldn’t it be time, on the contrary, to reclaim it? Sex isn’t dirty, and it’s nothing vulgar, we keep saying it. Your sex is part of you, and if all is well, a part you love a lot. So why this phobia of the terms that designate it?
