For Halloween, now that you’ve read a whole heap of erotic books based on zombies and other abominable creatures, you are fully ready. It’s time to get down to business: the Halloween sex toys.
Here is a selection of scary dildos. I’m not talking about mere displays of sex-toy-ish bad taste. But a new dose of monstrous and terrifying sex toys. Don’t be shy, I know you love it.
The dread doll-dildos
Are your intimate parts in a macabre mood? The shop by LaTeefah, on Etsy, has what you need.
The Dildolls, whose name is a contraction of the words “dildo” (dildo) and “doll” (doll) are macabre sex-toy figurines handmade, with an unsettling and not very reassuring look.
Dildos representing spooky clowns, demons, skeletons, weird rabbit women and other sinister characters… Well-made objects, certainly, but not ones you’d really want to find hidden under your bed.
Vibrating ghost and zombie Halloween sex toys
On Etsy, you can also find more “classic” Halloween sex toys.
Sold by the Etsy shop Funvibe, here are The Ghost, a ghost vibrator, and The Finger, a zombie finger vibrator.
I’m starting to wonder about a possible zombie organ trade on Etsy… First of all, the zombie penis, by Necronomicox, and now a finger, in a strangely similar style… You’d think a poor living being had been reduced to spare parts for the occasion…
Frankeinpenis
The penis of the Monster of Frankenstein? A reference to John Bobbitt ?
(For those of you who have never heard of John Bobbit, also known under the pseudonym “Frankeinpenis”, I leave it to Wikipedia and Google to feed you all the dark and juicy details you could possibly want).
The Creature, a dildo representing a penis completely stitched back together and slightly twisted by the mutilation it suffered, definitely wins high up on the glans its place among Halloween sex toys.
Castration complex, penile variant of the Headless Horseman, or simply a nasty monster straight out of a mad scientist’s lab, with a vague taste for corpses? In any case, there’s no need to look far for it to stir up buried fears.
Tentacled Halloween sex toys
Ghosts, skeletons, zombies, demons… This Halloween is a bit short on sea monsters, don’t you think? Let’s fix that: sex toys and tentacles are perfectly compatible.
In the vein of “Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea”, I present the Squildo, a rather well-made squid dildo, available on Etsy at the FreeRangeSilicone.
Alternatively, for something more abstract, there’s theOctopus dildo, a wooden octopus dildo sold by the Etsy shop Cabindweller.
And for those who prefer to fall back on an industrial penis-mollusc hybrid, there’s still the Octopenis, from TSX Toys.
Have you come across any other sex toys that could easily come collecting sweets at your door on 31 October (or not)? Let us know in the comments.
