On 17 March, it was St Patrick’s Day. The chance to drink large mugs of beer, to wear green top hats… And to read erotic books about leprechaun sexuality.
“Huh?” you’ll probably reply, in a doubting tone.
I went in search of these jolly little creatures fond of cauldrons full of gold… And, oh joy, I found, deep in Amazon’s Erotica section, a whole series of books dedicated to them!
Thanks to this range of bibliographic references, I was then able to make a few observations about leprechaun sexuality.
Leprechaun sexuality is unbridled
Leprechauns are little perverts. But that, we had suspected.
“Lusty Little Leprechaun” (Nicole Draylock) and “Lenny the Lecherous Leprechaun” (Kris P. Kreme)
And they love oral sex… At the same time, they are exactly the right height for giving a cunni or a fellatio.
“The Leprechaun that loved Oral Sex” (JK Deer)
Leprechauns and sex change
If you’re a man, a leprechaun can transform you into a woman. All you have to do is make a wish.
“Feminized by a Leprechaun, Be Careful What You Wish For” (Jamie Lavender) and “Transformed for St. Patrick’s Day” (Eric Filler)
Leprechauns in civilian clothes, vengeful or giant
Some leprechauns in civilian clothes live among humans. If you get picked up by a small red-headed guy on St Patrick’s Day evening, you know what to expect.
“Leprechaun in New York: A St. Patrick’s Day Story” (Richard May & Wayne Goodman)
If you steal a leprechaun’s cauldron, he’ll come back and demand to be compensated. In kind. And he doesn’t want jam. Conversely, if you capture a leprechaun, as a ransom, he can satisfy you sexually instead of giving you his gold.
“Mounted by a Monster: Leprechaun” (Mina Shay) and “Lilly Brings Home A Leprechaun” (Shebat Legion)
There are giant leprechauns. They are completely green, with a bit of the Incredible Hulk, and all they want is to ram their four-leaf clover into every orifice. Forest leprechauns are also green: they probably eat too much chlorophyll.
Ravaged by The Leprechaun (Peter Greene) and The Warder’s Leprechaun (Viola Grace)
Leprechauns enjoy extreme practices
Apparently, leprechauns like the golden douche. Or the title of this book is misleading.
Hot and Gold (Sandra Woods)
Leprechauns are keen partiers. Sometimes, they get together for a gangbang with basketball players. And your wife. I’m sure you didn’t expect that.
“Provincetown Gay Leprechaun Edgin Session” (Cat Hudson) and “Saint Paddy’s Day Cucktale: Humiliated by Leprechauns and Basketball Players in Ireland” (Arnica Butler)
Illustration at the top of the article: The Lecherous Leprechaun (Maya Reid).
