I’ve got a new sex toy guinea pig on my hands: the Sqweel Go, an oral sex simulator designed by Lovehoney.
Could a machine perform cunnilingus? In this age of connected sex toys and ones equipped with artificial intelligence, the question might seem absurd… And yet, so far, no toy that’s taken up the challenge has really managed to pull it off. Is cunnilingus a technique reserved exclusively for humans?
Like LELO’s Ora (which failed its mission), the Sqweel Go is a cunnilinctus simulator (or cunnilingus, according to the dictionaries).
But its working principle is completely different. It doesn’t vibrate, and has little tongues attached to a rotating wheel, which come along one after another to “lick” the clitoris. A mini fucking machine for your clitoris, in a way.
Here’s the Sqweel Go test.
Sex toy packaging
The disposable packaging, made of cardboard on the sides, lets you see the sex toy through a layer of clear plastic. Nothing particularly fascinating about the packaging, but it’s perfectly presentable. Let’s get the Sqweel unboxed.
What the Sqweel Go looks like
The Sqweel Go looks like some kind of mini portable fan, the sort of gadget you get handed in summer as a promotional freebie for an ice cream or air conditioning brand. Tiny, it fits in the palm of your hand.
The stimulating part is a rotating wheel with ten pink tongues. The part with the controls and the wheel’s axle can be pink, purple or white, depending on which version you choose. We received the white version.
Texture and materials
The Sqweel Go’s “tongues” are made of silicone, while its “handle” is made of ABS plastic. Neither material poses any risk to the body, and both are compatible with any water-based lubricant.
Powering the Sqweel Go
The Sqweel Go recharges through a USB port, using the cable provided. At the sex toy end, the cord has a proprietary connector, which plugs into a sort of socket at the base of the Sqweel. At the other end, it has a standard USB connector.
Two hours’ charge for nearly an hour of use is a reasonable ratio.
It’s also worth noting that the Sqweel Go is fully waterproof, which makes it easier to clean. And, as I’ll tell you later in this test, that feature will prove useful and necessary.
Sqweel Go controls and modes
As far as controls go, the Sqweel Go couldn’t be simpler: it has just one button, big and round. A single press switches the toy on or moves to the next mode; a long press switches it off.
The Sqweel Go has six modes, including three rotation speeds (slow, medium, fast), followed by three fanciful modes:
- A mode that alternates between a short and a long “pulse” (the wheel turns briefly, completing only part of a rotation),
- A series of five successive “pulses”, getting faster and faster before returning to the first one,
- A mode that repeats a more complex sequence, probably inspired by the day’s lottery results or the number of daisies beneath the designer’s window, presumably to give the impression of randomness. The wheel pulses faster and faster, then twice very briefly, then starts rotating properly, and begins again.
Noise level
The noise made by the Sqweel Go is high-pitched, even shrill, and doesn’t sound like the noise a vibrator usually makes.
If there’s someone in the next room, they’ll hear you, but will probably wonder what on earth you’re up to. As for the neighbours, they won’t be disturbed; it’s simply not loud enough to travel through walls.
How effective is the Sqweel Go?
First of all, before getting down to it, grab yourself a good big tube of lubricant. Without it, nothing’s going to happen. Having the sex toy rub against your clit at high speed, “dry”, is ouch. On the other hand, nobody enjoys performing cunnilingus with a dried-out tongue – first, it would hurt the tongue, and it would be more like scraping than anything else.
It’s a bit the same here, except that, unlike your intimate parts, the silicone tongues aren’t likely to cause discomfort. And perhaps it’s because the rotating movement sends lubricant everywhere and/or makes it dry faster, but you’ll need a lot of it. Slather it generously on your vulva and on the sex toy, then add more if you need to.
Got your gigantic five-and-a-half-litre tub of water-based lubricant nearby? Let’s get this mechanical cunnilingus underway!
So, what’s the result? The effect is rather… unusual, and therefore quite hard to describe. So I’ll try to convey my impressions of the Sqweel Go by answering a few questions.
Can you feel anything? Yes, you can feel it. For a start, this performance means the Sqweel Go is already better than the pitiful attempt at cunnilingus made by the little squeak from the LELO Ora, which took an effort of concentration to perceive clearly.
Does it feel like cunnilingus? Not really. Neither successful cunnilingus nor clumsy cunnilingus.
When someone’s going down on you, the licking moves in all directions, with little circles, figure eights, zigzags, changes of pace, the alphabet backwards, whatever you like – but it’s something other than a repetitive, monotonous movement, constantly going in the same direction.
Admittedly, the “fanciful” modes offer variations in speed, but it’s still very jerky, and above all, the tongues always come from the same direction and always make contact with the clitoris at the same angle.
Did I orgasm? No. Whatever mode I use, if I’m relying on the Sqweel Go alone to get me off, there’s no orgasm on the horizon.
Is it enjoyable? Objectively, yes, the sensations are pleasant. If the Sqweel is all you’ve got to hand, it can get a little frustrating, but the Sqwell Go makes for an interesting prelude, a first course before switching to another sex toy that’ll get more to the point.
How can I describe the Sqweel’s effect more precisely, compared with cunnilingus? Imagine your partner, in a playful mood, having fun going “flap! flap! flap!” with their tongue against your clit, without changing direction, moving across it in just one direction. Now put the scene on fast-forward, and you’re pretty close to the result.
Conclusion on the Sqweel Go
The good points:
- The concept is innovative. The Sqweel Go is a sex toy that tries to offer something different, and it succeeds.
- The materials used (silicone and ABS) are safe for the body.
The bad points:
- No, the sensations aren’t the same as those you feel during cunnilingus.
- No orgasm (at least, not for me).
Note finale du test
Les plus
- Innovative concept
- Different sensations
- Body-safe
- Rechargeable
Les moins
- No orgasm
- It's not a cunni
The Sqweel Go offers interesting sensations, but its movement lacks variety, variation and spontaneity, and those overly mechanical movements aren’t enough to convincingly imitate cunnilingus.
I’m on the fence: I like that it’s totally different from my other sex toys; it brings something new, and that’s great, but it doesn’t achieve its cunnilingus goal.
Merci à Lovehoney de nous avoir fourni le Sqweel Go pour ce test
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