A unicorn, that’s pure, that’s beautiful, that’s… That’s still a pony with a phallic thing on its forehead. And yes, the unicorn fantasy definitely exists. Between unicorn sex toys and erotic fiction involving unicorns ready to shove their frontal appendage into any orifice of the protagonists, let’s discover what the internet holds for us.
Unicorn Sex Toys
The Unicorn Head Dildo
While most unicorn sex toys stick to the horn, at Evolvdo, they don’t do things by halves. In fact, you can literally ride the equine’s head. Incidentally, it’s adorned with a funny little beard, aimed at keeping its muzzle straight.
The animal looks rather sulky… But you can’t hold it against it. Would you like someone to happily straddle your forehead?
However, if you prefer your erotic unicorns cuter and more cheerful, at FckBuddies on Etsy, you can find the Lil’ Unicorn Dildo, a lovely smiling unicorn sex toy in pastel shades.
Unicorn Horn Sex Toys
In the series of insertable horns, one of the pioneers of the genre is the Unicorn Dildo from Whipspider Rubberworks. With its pearly tones, the object makes the prospect of experiencing pleasure alongside a magical horse rather attractive.
Bearing the simple, yet unequivocal name of “Unicorn Horn Dildo,” it is unfortunately no longer for sale.
Dear lovers of equestrian creatures with magical powers, do not let disappointment overwhelm you. Unicorn horn sex toys are not on the verge of extinction.
On Etsy, this fairytale sex toy abounds, with creators such as:
- SplitPeaches:
- GespenstsFantasyGear (shop also behind an amazing Darth Vader butt plug):
- LovecrafterToys:
The Unicorn Butt Plug
At Altpac (also on Etsy), the butt plug is… original, going as far as featuring a poop-smiley or Nicolas Cage. The unicorn plug is therefore perfectly at home in this shop.
The Ultra-Powerful Unicorn Vibrator
At Lovehoney, in the Tokidoki range, you’ll find the ultra-powerful unicorn vibrator. Because a unicorn is above all magical and super tough.
The Unicorn Tail Plug
Betony Vernon’s Unicorn Butt Plug, a sex toy costing the modest sum of 3475 dollars, probably would have had a prime spot in our top of outrageously expensive sex toys…
The Unicorn Cock Ring
To give your cock the power of the unicorn, Pipedream created the Unicorn Pleasure Ring, a vibrating cock ring in the shape of a unicorn. The thing is made of jelly, a toxic and smelly material, so you can forget about the magic.
Erotic Books with Unicorns
The unicorn is not spared by erotic literature. Or at least, not by the kind on Amazon. I’ve gathered a small selection for you, but the specimens are numerous, and each one more collectible than the last.
The Fantasy of the Horn
A few examples in the category “A hard thing about twenty centimeters long? What could that possibly be for?”:
- Unicorn: Horn of Desire:
- Or of Submission:
- The Gay Unicorn:
- And the one who meets a Milf:
Fertile Unicorns
Ladies, if you’re having sexual encounters with a legendary equestrian creature, remember to use a condom. Unless you want to give birth to a half-human, half-horse offspring with a strange appendage on its forehead.
Unicorns seem to have a nasty habit of getting their partners of other species pregnant.
Do they use their phallus or their horn as a reproductive organ? You’ll have to wade through the numerous books to unravel the mystery.
Don’t let their harmless appearance fool you. Even “minicorns” want you to raise their offspring.
Unicorns with Jobs
Let’s not stop here. If you’re going to copulate with a unicorn, why settle for a classic unicorn that spends its days peacefully wandering in the forest? Might as well have one with a career that makes you fantasize.
- Like, for example, a unicorn sailor:
- Or a unicorn pilot:
- And why not, a billionaire unicorn?
- Or… Unicorn Butt Cops, members of the beach patrol (huh? what?).
- Bonus: with a unicorn on its cover but not necessarily in its plot, “Buttception: A Butt in a Butt in a Butt” still deserved a mention.
- Second bonus: The Wife, the T-Rex, and the Unicorn.
