Rather than describing an uncommon sexual practice or an unusual sex toy, for once, I’m going to talk about something very simple: oral sex. That is: the art of giving – or receiving – a blowjob or cunnilingus.
I don’t claim to be an expert on the subject. But I’m still going to try to give you some tips so that your interaction with your partner’s genitals is fun, enjoyable, and orgasmic.
This article is mainly aimed at beginners. Sure, tutorials on how to suck or lick well are everywhere, whether on the net or in magazines, and you find all sorts – good advice as well as crappy tips.
The blowjob and cunnilingus aren’t the only sexual acts you can perform with your mouth. But in this article, I’ll limit myself to these two practices.
If you already practice this regularly, this guide might not teach you anything new. But if you like, you can help complete it by adding your two cents in the comments.
Tips common to cunnilingus and blowjobs
I was planning to do two separate sections, one for blowjobs, one for cunnilingus… Then, I realized that a good part of the oral sex manual is valid regardless of your partner’s gender.
Be attentive to the other person
First of all, essential point: watch and listen to your partner, be attentive to their reactions. This is probably the most important thing if you want to succeed at a blowjob, cunnilingus, or any sexual act.
It might seem obvious… But when you’re focused on diligently performing this or that gesture to please, you can forget the essential: check if it’s working as planned on the main person involved. Observe the expression on their face, listen to what your partner might want to tell you or the sounds they make, but also the pace of their breathing and the reflex movements of their body.
It’s about detecting the signs of arousal and pleasure, to know when you’re on the right track. But also, any potential signs of discomfort that might show a gesture isn’t the right one. It doesn’t necessarily mean keeping two wide eyes fixed on your partner all the time, but a glance every now and then doesn’t hurt.
Moreover, eye and/or verbal contact is an essential interaction during oral sex. It strengthens the complicity of the moment, and it’s exciting to see the other person enjoying themselves or busying themselves giving pleasure. Physical sensations are important, but they don’t make up the entirety of the act – otherwise, everyone would just masturbate in their corner.
Don’t bite
We often talk about it when it comes to blowjobs, less so for cunnilingus, but this advice applies across the board. Don’t bite, unless you’ve been invited to. A genital area is ultra-sensitive. There’s no question of nibbling on it, even a little bit, unless its owner likes it and wants it in the heat of the moment.
Be careful, in the heat of the action, you can easily bite without realizing it. Especially during a blowjob, since you have the other’s genitals between your jaws.
A tip if you’re afraid of accidentally using your teeth: make sure the inside of your lips (the upper ones, if you have several pairs) is in the path between your teeth and your partner’s genitals. The goal isn’t to chew on yourself, but simply to more easily detect if you have the involuntary reflex to bite, and thus avoid doing it.
Watch out for tickles
Around the genitals, whether it’s a vulva or a penis, there are all sorts of areas that are ticklish. As arousal intensifies, sensitivity to tickles decreases to make way for pleasure. But at the very beginning, and right after orgasm, light grazing caresses, and even sometimes breath, can tickle. It’s not a big deal, and it can even be funny… But too many tickles and your romp might turn into a platonic giggle fest.
Don’t think “foreplay”
A good blowjob or good cunnilingus can very well be an end in itself. It’s not a step to cross to get to the final boss, penetration. And it’s not “tit for tat” either. You do it because (and if) you want to, not to get something from your partner. It’s up to the two of you to continue with another practice afterward or not, according to your desires.
If you don’t really feel like giving a blowjob or cunnilingus, if the idea doesn’t excite you, don’t do it.
Go progressively
Even if you both want it, if you dive straight into the contents of your partner’s boxers or panties, it can catch them off guard. Before moving on to licks, dialogue, kisses, and caresses are there to warm up the atmosphere.
Hot/cold effects and oral sex
If you’ve read other articles on oral sex, you’ve probably come across the following tips, which involve putting something in your mouth to add “effects” to the blowjob or cunnilingus:
- An ice cube, for a cold effect. Or for muted sensations at first, which reappear as the ice cube melts.
- A mint candy or toothpaste, for a stimulating freshness.
- A carbonated drink, for a slight tingling.
Some people will appreciate this type of effect, while others will hate it. For anything mentholated, you should know that the cool crotch effect might persist after the encounter, until the shower. In short, it’s better to ask the person’s opinion before refreshing their private parts that way.
Taste and smell
A clean, healthy genital area shouldn’t taste bad per se. And generally, during a sexual act, the taste and smell of the other person are supposed to be rather arousing.
However, let’s not be hypocritical, it can happen that you don’t really like your partner’s taste. Even if just occasionally. Indeed, factors like sweat, the product used for washing, and diet can vary the taste of intimate areas and secretions. In that case, several approaches are possible:
- Either you decide to not care at all. In the heat of the action, if you’re aroused, you quickly forget this detail.
- Or, for example, if you’ve jumped on your partner after a workout or a hard day, you find an excuse to take them to the shower. An excuse other than “you stink of…”, preferably.
- Or you use a flavored lubricant. Often touted as the miraculous method for oral sex, this option isn’t always. If you’re afraid of finding an unpleasant flavor and prefer it to taste like candy just in case, this is what you need. However, if there really is a taste or smell you dislike, adding a sweet note won’t necessarily fix things.
- Using a condom (flavored or not) for the blowjob or a dental dam (or a condom cut into a square) for cunnilingus eliminates any direct contact. And thus the taste. Sure, it’s not necessarily a sexiness booster… But well beyond the taste aspect, it’s above all an effective way to protect against all STDs and STIs. You’ll find more details on this in this article on STD and STI prevention.
This oral sex guide was too long to be published in one go. So, we decided to split it into several parts.
The continuation in the next article, where we’ll detail the question of blowjobs.
