After hanging out with cute sextoys so often, one would almost forget their devilish cousins: the strange sextoys nobody had been impatiently waiting for. The ones that slip the obsessive question into your head: “but what on earth is this thing, and, above all, why does it exist?”
Let’s take a little stroll through the enchanted world of sextay atrocities.
Strange sextoys: the cock pipe
The cock pipe is an accessory that lets you smoke while sucking.
Sucking while smoking, smoking while sucking, but why would one want to do such a thing? And why is the phallus on the gadget’s “demo” video so obviously a fake? So much mystery surrounds this strange artefact…
As for the second question, I do allow myself to make a guess: the man was afraid of burning his willy during filming, and so skillfully substituted a dildo for his precious organ. Which seems rather reasonable on his part, given that the device is a priori neither sold as a sextoy nor as a pipe, thanks to the catch-all term “novelty” (in other words, a gadget).
The portable glory hole
The glory hole, a wall orifice devoted to anonymous fellations, a theme in plenty of porn films and the object of plenty of fantasies… Yeah, but slipping your willy into a dodgy hole in a rather unsettling place to entrust it to a stranger can seem a tad risky.
For the greatest pleasure of cautious fantasists, here is the portable glory hole, a fake perforated partition, to be installed at home in all safety, in the frame of a door. At 799 dollars for a holed canvas stretched in a frame, all the same, it may be worth doing a bit of DIY.
The Joy Ride, mini-motorbike fucking machine
The Joy Ride isn’t just a joke from Epiphora. It’s also a fucking machine that is very real. One that would be mistaken for a child’s motorbike… if it didn’t have two dildos on its seat.
Make sure you ride it, without fail, while shouting “Vroom! Vroom! Vroom”: since you’re at it, you may as well take the chance to let off some steam. If your dignity has held out this far, it’ll go unnoticed in the rush.
