When it comes to classified ads, you find all manner of things. But then, precisely, what do you find when searching for the first words that come to mind?
Let’s take, for example, a meal (a hearty one, mind): on the menu, a salad, some raw carrots, a stag in forest sauce, and a slice of tart.
Fruity
Bananas, apricots, it’s almost appetising. You’d think you were reading an ad for a smoothie. An ad full of vitamins.
Floral
When I came across this ad, I first thought I had landed in the wrong category. But no, it really is a daring proposition. I admit I don’t understand the exact nature of this man’s search.
Charcuterie
The prospect of a kiss-taste snout salad isn’t exactly inviting. Unless you’re a fan of charcuterie erotica (and he spread his cooked-to-perfection sausage over the beautiful pink slice of ham she was presenting to him).
“Oh, yes, spray me with vinaigrette!” seems to be a must as a sexual call. And if salad, in its various variants, is a rich source of inspiration for sex-vegetables, the carrot, for its part, means one and only one thing: the penis of the ad’s author.
I supply my veg
Attention bunnies…
This message is addressed to you by Léguman.
Young carrot seeks old pots
I translate: “Hi old pot, do you fancy a taste of my broth?”
The roar and perhaps the coitus
Come with me into the forest and I’ll show it to you…
Witness the conception of Bambi and get a taste of life again.
Vol-au-vent
It’s… spontaneous, as a proposition. One can only wonder what recipe it might be.
Sauce for spring rolls
How to meet new partners while doing a bit of Chinese cooking:
In any case, the spring roll carrier is already smiling with an air of complete bliss in the photo attached to this rather bizarre ad. If it’s a fake, the poor lad didn’t know what was waiting for him when he posed for this blissful portrait.
Sauce and swallow
A single “a” can sometimes turn a torrid fellatio into a picnic with Lassie.
White sauce burger
In fact, the only thing that’s wrong with this proposition is that it includes the fast food’s loos.
With hair, of course
Not a very elegant way of addressing the ladies. I can, however, advise its author, given that no one will answer him, of a recipe for an easy hair tart. Take your hair, some pastry, spread the hair over the pastry and put it in the oven. Enjoy!
I’ve just learned a word: the attraction for sexual practices involving food is called sitophilia.
(Illustration: Flickr gallery by Christoph Gommel, Creative Commons)
