How do you have anal sex? In this article, we offer a few tips for gently getting started with anal sex.
In society, anal sex is still taboo, or even carries derogatory connotations. It even gets used as an insult. When we come across an unpleasant person, we call them a wanker.
Yet having things put in your anal opening is a sexual practice that can be very pleasurable, provided you go about it properly. Whether you’re a man or a woman.
Anal sex: tips for persuading your partner?
We sometimes hear from people asking for advice on persuading their partner to try anal sex. Often it’s a man, convinced he can introduce his other half to unexplored pleasures that way.
Feel free to share your desires with your sweetheart. That way, they can find out more about it and decide whether or not they want to give it a try.
However, if your partner doesn’t want anything going into their anus, well, that’s that: you won’t put anything in their anus. That’s not a problem; there are plenty of other things you can enjoy together.
Don’t insist, because that won’t make them want to, quite the opposite. But that doesn’t make the subject taboo, and you can always talk about it together again another time.
Anal sex and lubricant
Before trying to insert anything into your bum, you’ll need to get some lubricant. Unlike a vagina, the anus doesn’t lubricate itself when you’re aroused.
You can use a regular water-based lubricant. But there are also lubricants designed for anal pleasure, often silicone-based. They provide more slip for anal penetration.
Silicone lubricants can damage porous sex toys, but despite what people say, they’re compatible with most sex toys made of pure silicone (with the exception of Vixen Creations, and other toys made from double-density silicone blends).
Anal sex with fingers
Going straight to anal sex if you’ve never tried anything anal is a bit ambitious, and it can be daunting. You can first explore anal penetration gently and without any accessories, using your fingers.
To do this, coat your finger and the entrance to your anus with lubricant, then insert it gently and gradually. If you like, insert a second finger, lubricated in the same way.
That way, you can find out whether you enjoy the sensation. If you feel like it, masturbate with your other hand at the same time.
The anal plug
An anal plug is also a nice accessory for gently easing yourself into anal sex.
Anal plugs come in different shapes, sizes and materials: steel, silicone, glass, and even wood.
A tip: go for a small plug, at least to start with. The Rosebuds and the Pure Plug Njoy are among the good choices for beginners.
Read also: some tips on choosing an anal plug.
Insert the plug with a little lubricant for extra comfort. Then you can wear it while walking, comfortably at home or outside under your clothes, to get yourself aroused. Or during sex, when it adds extra sensations.
Anal sex: tips for taking the plunge
A relaxed atmosphere
Before trying anal sex, let’s start with a few tips on choosing the right moment.
Most importantly, make sure you’re comfortable. Your bum doesn’t like being stressed. Like any sexual act, anal sex should only be practised with a partner you trust, feel relaxed with and are aroused by. If you don’t really want it, don’t let yourself be sodomised.
Make sure you have plenty of time. It’s not an arse race; enjoyable anal sex doesn’t happen with a stopwatch in your hand. It’s essential to take the time to build your arousal to its peak.
You can have a drink or two if it helps you relax. But no more. Excessive drinking or drug use can make you pay less attention to your sensations, and there’s a real risk of injuring yourself.
Don’t skimp on “foreplay”. Caresses, cunnilingus, blow jobs and rimming will get you more aroused and help your muscles relax. And the anal sphincter is a muscle.
Anal sex: take it gently
Finally, take it gently. If it won’t go in, don’t force it.
Add lubricant, caress the entrance to the anus and the surrounding area, masturbate yourself or your partner. If you’re playing with sex toys, you can start with a smaller one.
Anal sex isn’t supposed to hurt. The penis or sex toy should go in “on its own”, or almost.
If you’re the one being penetrated, listen to your sensations. And if you’re penetrating your partner, pay attention to their reactions. The slightest pain or discomfort, whether when the object goes in or during the thrusting, is a sign that you need to take it more gently.
Start with slow, shallow penetration. Don’t speed up straight away. If you’re the one doing the penetrating, wait for your partner to make it clear they want you to go harder or deeper.
Anal sex and hygiene
Anal sex and condoms
Anal sex is a risky sexual practice. The lining of the anus is thinner and more fragile than the lining of the vagina, so the risk of transmitting STIs and STDs, including AIDS, is very high during anal sex.
For example, the risk of contracting HIV during receptive anal sex is almost 20 times higher than the risk of contracting it during receptive vaginal sex.
There’s only one effective way to protect yourself: a condom. For anal sex, you can use a regular male condom, or a female condom inserted into the anus.
Anal sex and poo
Warning: in this paragraph, I’m going to talk about poo. Admit it, it’s what you’ve all been waiting for.
“Ew, putting a willy in the poo box? That’s disgusting!” You’ve probably heard this childish reaction before.
Well, first, let’s remember that in a penis, the same tube, the urethra, is used for urinating and ejaculating. And yet, gentlemen, you don’t accidentally piss inside your partner every time you orgasm.
Although the anus is the opening through which faeces leave the body, under normal circumstances, when you don’t need to go to the loo, it’s empty and, most of the time, clean.
Still, enough of the glamour: it’s rare, but yes, a brown incident can happen. In short, there may be a few suspicious marks—not much, when all’s said and done, but enough to make things awkward. If the thought of taking that risk horrifies you, don’t try anal sex.
Anal sex: tips for keeping everything clean
However, provided you take a few precautions, the risk of an embarrassing incident remains fairly low.
Of course, make sure your bowels are in good shape. Needless to say, you should never try anal sex if you have a stomach bug or are constipated…
You can have a shower, and take the opportunity to check, by inserting a finger, that everything is nice and clean. However, soap should only be used externally, otherwise you risk damaging the mucous membranes.
If you’re a perfectionist, you can also have an enema. It’s a rather unpleasant thing to do physically, though. Some people enjoy it as a sexual fetish, but that’s another subject. And it should remain very occasional. Frequent enemas can upset the intestinal flora. You’ll find plenty of tutorials online explaining in detail how to do it.
Finally, in the event of a “brown incident”, a condom, as well as protecting you from STDs and STIs, will keep the penis or sex toy free from marks and let you get rid of them in the bin straight away, before they have a chance to ruin the mood.
And above all, if an incident happens, don’t make a big deal of it. Once you’ve decided to have anal sex with your partner, well, that’s the risk you take; you knew you might come across a bit of poo. It’s no big deal: lighten the mood, help your partner feel less awkward, and the nearest shower or tap will sort out the rest.
After anal sex
Let’s stick with the not-so-glamorous details. During anal sex with a penis and no condom, semen goes into the anus. With a condom, or if you use a sex toy, a little lubricant still goes in.
After ejaculation in the vagina, semen flows back out almost straight away. That’s not what happens in the anus. The semen will want to come back out about an hour later. You’ll then feel like going to the loo, where you’ll expel the fluids into the toilet bowl. Not the classiest explanation, admittedly, but better to know.
Anal sex: your tips?
And what about you? Do you have any tips for our readers on having successful anal sex? A favourite lubricant? Any tips for really relaxing? Imaginative foreplay before anal penetration? Feel free to share your ideas in the comments.
